There Is Always A Choice

Just finished reading my conclusion of last year's journal writings: nearly every entry speaks of balance, focus, purpose and freedom. It's interesting to realize that God's Word answers each of those things, when it is truly the only rule of faith and practice. With that Word, life becomes simple, balanced, focused, purposeful and I become free.

Courtesy of HubPages.com

Change. Now there's another wonderful theme. I believe that one is befitting 2012. It only takes a teeny tiny tweak to alter the course of any subject, and I have a few subjects that really need to find new paths to travel on.

There are decisions I can make -- that I have control over -- which can make a difference in not only a day, but my week, and thus my year. 

It can be something as simple as grocery shopping Friday (or even Monday) mornings, rather than Sunday (or even Saturday) afternoons. Or, taking a shower at 6 AM rather than in the afternoon. Or, riding my bike in the mornings while our 3 dogs nap. Each choice I make to vary my norm in the here and now, will alter my future.

If a particular picture (physical or mental) upsets -- causes mumblings or possibly even depression -- then get a new or different picture! Why hold on to something that makes us feel miserable? 

Contrary to what our minds may occasionally try to tell us, ...there is always a choice.

Age is a Funny Thing

Courtesy "Psychology Today"

Today, it seems, I haven't much to say about life. I've pretty much come to accept its ebbs and flows, its peaks and valleys, and...well, not so much its plateaus. But overall, it is what it is.

The earlier version of myself would never have agreed. I was constantly off on some new adventure, taking on some new challenge, and learning some new element of life. Ohhh...and could I be profound! Metaphoric essays erupted from my inner core, and poetry just oozed out of my pores!

Today appears to be a time, not so much of opinion, but of story-telling. As I came of the age I am now, I was rather convinced I would end up this elderly wise sage. Perhaps some of my more long-time friends may still see me that way. Did I know that all those adventures would lead to telling stories? I think not.

Ever see the 2003 movie Big Fish, starring Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney and Billy Crudup? The following excerpt is taken from Yahoo-Movies:

As an eight-year old confined to bed because of a preternatural growing spurt, Edward Bloom occupies himself by reading the entire World Book Encyclopedia. He is taken in particular with an article about goldfish, in which he learns that "if goldfish are kept in a small bowl, they will remain small. With more space, the fish can double, triple or quadruple its size." Ten years later, after becoming one of the most popular young men in Ashton, Alabama, he realizes that--like the goldfish--in order for him to grow he must leave home and explore the world.

And thus, an improbable and mythic journey begins. Many years and countless adventures later, Bloom is well known as a teller of tall tales about his colorful life as a less than ordinary young man, when his wanderlust took him around the world and back again. When Edward becomes ill,...Will [his disbelieving son] embarks on his own personal journey trying to separate the myth from the reality of his father's life and come to terms with the man's giant feats and great failings.

My own father was much like Edward Bloom in the "tales about his colorful life" department -- at least in the way it affected me. I'm not so sure I was ever able to sort it all out like Will did in the movie, but at an early age I decided that my colorful stories of life would simply need to be true. I honestly believe that is why I chose to be a writer of nonfiction.

Growing up in the midst of so many tall tales, the quest for truth filled the deep crevices of my heart and soul. In my early years I immersed myself in the Bible -- a book that Roman Catholics of that time weren't supposed to read without direction. HA!

Then, as a teen I searched the works of Kant, Camus, Tiehard de Chardin, Jung and even Kahlil Gibran. Many philosophies and religions later, I returned to the Bible as my final word on what is true...finally having been taught how to understand it. (And, for those who hold that Carpe Diem doesn't possibly fit with the Bible, it does -- perfectly.)

When I first sat down to write today, I thought that a head full of opinions may be a thing of youth - a trait that perhaps dissipates with age, because aging teaches us that everyone always has an opinion about something. 

And, I had the thought that the story-telling was an outgrowth of having lived many wildly colorful years. These thoughts may all harbor some truth, but I think my premise is false.

I believe my concepts about "being full of opinions" and "being full of story-telling" have nothing really to do with age. In fact, that is where my premise is in error.

Age is a funny thing. People vary far more than from Black to White, and a few shades in between -- far more than any rainbow. I believe that people are, refreshingly, as unique and varied as God. And yet, to consider that the foolishness of God still lies far above the greatest wisdom of all mankind combined -- oh my! So much for opinion.

It is not the chronological age of an individual that determines these tendencies. Rather, it is how one ages, how one assimilates the adventure of living life, that would have the greatest influence on what exudes from that life -- no matter the actual years lived.

Opinionator? Stories? Sage? Ah yes! Age is a funny thing.

"W" is for Whose Fault is it, Anyway?

Often I am amazed at the growing number of people who actually believe that circumstances, or even other people, govern who they've become and who they will be in the future. Whose fault is it, anyway?

• If my neighbor hadn't ignored me like that back then, I'd probably be a little bit more friendly now.
• If it wasn't so cold and windy every single day, the yard work would probably be done by now.
• If you hadn't talked to me in that tone, I'd probably be more willing to listen to you right now.
• If people were paying more attention to their driving, I probably wouldn't have had to cut you off.

Let's see how it works when I get rid of the "if." How about some really real stuff, like family...

• My dad always yelled about everything; that's why it's really hard for me not to do the same thing.

 Here's the flip side, which isn't any better, because it's still for the wrong reason:

• My dad always yelled about everything; that's why I refuse to react in the same way now.

Or, maybe it's siblings...

• My brothers always treated me with such indifference; that's why I'm always struggling with low self-esteem.

Same thing, but a different angle:

• My brothers always treated me with such indifference; that's why I refuse to let our boys do that to her now.

Whose fault is it, anyway!!?

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that none of these things ever cross my own mind. But what about those individuals who truly believe these are all genuinely good reasons for behaving the way they do in certain situations. My oh my...whose fault is it, anyway?

• I wouldn't have to switch companies all the time, [if] someone just believed in good customer service.
• I would probably get up earlier on the weekends, [if] I just had something more to get up to.
• I would probably be more willing to get involved, [if] it didn't always feel like they're just using me.
• I know I wouldn't be so sensitive about this, [if] people just treated me with a little more respect and consideration.

Just more of the right ingredients of life and I'd be okay. If I just had a better teacher, a better job, better friends, more money, my spouse acted differently, my kids weren't so crazy, my in-laws didn't live so close...I'd have a better life, and I'd be different. Enter in the infamous "grass is always greener" myth.

Over the years, I have diligently worked to root up each and every one of these horrid little parasites of so-called reason, out of my vocabulary and out of my thinking. They're like weeds. Somehow a new one pops up just when I thought I had them all licked! Or worse yet, 2 or 3 come back for every one I've  discarded. How unending! How frustrating! How tiring this can be!

“You are where you are and what you are because of yourself, because of your own choices and decisions.” ~Brian Tracy, Author and Motivational Speaker

"We are what we are because of our believing, not other people's believing...We will sink to the depths or rise to the heights of our believing." ~Life Lines, Quotations of Victor Paul Wierwille

This gives me a strong sense of control in my life, regardless of what anyone else thinks or does. I am the architect of my own life.

In the midst of it all, I have found comfort and strength in a simple truth about circumstances.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~Brian Tracy

In short, I have determined within myself to stop re-acting to situations. Instead, I mentally take a step back, look at what just hit the fan, then carefully move forward in a manner that redirects or even resolves what just occurred.

"Oh! You're talking about being pro-active."

Call it what you may, it's still doing whatever works to keep my steps steady and out of the muddy clay of defeat. I am mastering change.

I am what I am...and changing! So...whose fault is it, anyway!!? All mine :~)

~~~~~~~~

"R" is for...Regret Not

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”   ~Alexander Graham Bell

Someday, I should actually put a list together of all my little personal Thou Shalts. Thou shalt remember that rules are meant to be broken. Thou shalt overcome fear whenever it shows its ugly face. But, at the very top of that list would be: Thou Shalt Regret Not. 

In fact, if this list is really all that important to me, I honestly know that my someday will definitely happen...otherwise I would be wide open for the possibility of a regret. And, that's simply not going to happen. 

Someday, I'm going to get rid of all the clutter I've accumulated around the house...including the basement and garage. I'll have one gargantuan garage sale, perhaps at one of those community locations that draws in thousands of people each year during the month of May. 

And you know what? If I'm really serious about this, I know that my someday will definitely happen, otherwise I would be wide open for the looming likelihood of regret. And, well, that's just not going to happen.

Someday, I'll buckle down on my diet and exercise, and actually shed the excess off these tired bones. My new found vitality will carry me off into my greatly anticipated adventures and discerning discoveries, to satisfy and fulfill the muse within, and to share with my best friend. 

And -- I already know there's no *if* on this one -- I absolutely know that my someday will arrive, otherwise I would end up wide open for that sorrowful probability of regret. And, that shall absolutely not happen.

Actually, there is a fairly simple formula for decreasing the probability of acquiring regret(s) in life. Either, I decide from the onset, to not put so much importance on the task or desire -- at least not so much that there would be regret if it didn't happen in my life time -- or, I organize and plan all the Somedays into my daily life. 

Anything worth doing -- anything I want to have happen in or to my life -- is worth doing now. At times it's just a matter of loving myself enough to make room for it. Or, seeing my life big enough -- important enough -- to put the work into it to make my life the best it can be.  

The enemy is procrastination, but it cannot co-exist in this regret-less realm.

But how can I be so convinced that regret will not happen? Because, if today I make the best decision I can about a matter, and I find out later down the road, that perhaps it wasn't the *best* decision after all, does that make it not the best decision? No. It doesn't change a thing. Remember -- it's only by hindsight that we see everything 20/20.

Whatever decision I make, I let it rest. Any information that later comes to my attention about my decision, is only for learning in moving forward. That is all. What is already done, is done. That is my vow to myself, made many many moons ago, that enables me to enjoy my life,
                                and.............Regret Not :~)

"L" is for Learning, But Not to Have Learned

A great number of years ago, I was talking with a friend who wondered what I had been up to lately. In my reply I used the phrase, "I've learned that..." My friend listened intently, but every time I said learned, he interjected the word, learning. 

This continued as we hung out together over the next few days. Finally, I began to catch myself, saying, "I've been learning that..." or "I am learning..."

Why would this be such a big deal? My friend explained to me that to learn is a continuing process because life is always changing, and that to say learned -- ed -- is past tense, as if it's a done deal, and there's nothing more to learn on the subject. Then he asked, "Is that what you want?"

 

I have kept this lesson close to my heart throughout my life, always eager to learn, looking at learning as one of the greatest adventures in life. I have seen many things, but feel I am learning even more. 

Not only are there the many faceted perspectives I've acquired from which I can view life, but I have so much more to draw on in the multi-faceted views of all the people whose lives have intrigued me. I am thankful to all those who have, in some way, touched my soul. I also must agree that, yes, learning is a continuum.

Yet herein lies a funny thing. The older I get, I marvel at how easy it has become to remark, "If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's..." Please. Tell me this isn't happening!

Once again I find myself having to stop and reword my phrasing to say instead, "If there's one thing I am learning in life..." Let me never allow myself to put a cap on my learning...until the day of my last breath, and I'm 6-foot under, pushing up those proverbial daisies :~)

"F" is for F.E.A.R. - and its Demise

Fear is a strange creature. Once upon a time, a very long time ago, I even dared to believe that it was a good motivator under certain conditions. Yes, it may indeed provoke a person into action, but it'll be short-lived. True motivation is when a person responds from the heart, and long-lasting desired results are achieved. 

Then, a not quite as long so-very-long-time ago, I was taught how to confront fear -- be it mine own or anyone else's. This, I craved. But how scary it seemed to even begin to take it on! 

Actually, it's not nearly as daunting as it first sounded to be. The seed of fear is doubt, which breeds worry, which eventually brings on the fear. It lessens the hair on the beast to break it down.

On the flip-side, the opposite of worry is trust, and the opposite of doubt is confidence. This means it's possible to derail the fear train at either of those two points. Where there is worry, simply build trust; where there is doubt, focus on whatever it takes to get rooted in total, undeniable, confidence.

And to seal the deal and stay focused, there's a nifty acronym that has always kept me from falling off the edge of panic or freezing in my tracks and just going numb. It clarifies and defines fear in such a way that it truly shrinks it down to near bite-size. Perhaps you've heard it before:

F-alse. 
E-vidence. 
A-ppearing. 
R-eal. 

I just look that not-so-hairy tiny creature right in the face in the mirror, and tell it what a big fake it is! I remind it how it wouldn't even hold up in a court of law! Then I just go about my business building the trust and instilling the confidence, until I'm good and saturated. 

Actually... it's sort of fun to get rid of that stuff :~)


~~With that all being said, I can now get ready to head out for the evening with some absolutely wonderful people for the best and most unique tasting pizza -- anywhere -- "F" is for Falbo Brothers' Pizza!  

A Guy Named Nes

Once again I was given a writing prompt on Facebook from my dear friend and published poet, Lisa Cihlar. She asked her friends to "write a poem about Wednesday" (today). Of course, I couldn't resist, so I decided on limerick style:

A Guy Named Nes - 

There once was a guy named Nes,

Who thought it his only biz,

To wed him a lay

Whose name was Day

And that's how we got Wed-Nes-Day.

As my manner is, I had to look up limericks to see if I did it right. Well, those of you who know this sort of thing probably already saw that my last line doesn't rhyme with the first two. Okay. So it's tweaked. But what I think rather interesting is that I haven't written a limerick for nearly 50 years, yet I somehow remembered the cadence.

The mind is a very intriguing part of our soul. Trivia - like a limerick's cadence - can surprisingly appear, when much more important matters seem to elude us. At times we're able to push for answers to what seems to be the most difficult of problems, while the simplest of issues remains without understanding. 

With our powerful thinker we can choose to stir up trouble or resolve differences, feel defeat or scale mountains, zone out or imagineer, remember our hurts or forgive and forget. And it is with the innermost part of that same mind - the heart - that we decide to care and to give and to love. Yes. What a very intriguing part of our soul the mind is! 

A Guy Named Nes

There once was a gal named Day,

Who wanted a really good lay,

To wed was the best

A guy named Nes --

And that's how we got Wed-Nes-Day!

(There...it's done...but I still think the first one's better :~) LOL)

(Wedding pictures courtesy of www.weddingcollectibles.com)

Far From Nothing

One of my favorite networks is The Red Room. It's slow-moving and quiet, but I actually have more views there of my member page, than anywhere else. So I wrote a blurb entitled, "A Writer's Goal - No Regrets," just for The Red Room. 

This brought a comment from "a Southern writer whose work explores the connections between deeper universal truths and the daily moments of our lives" (her own description) which reminded me of, well...me. That meant I had to look at the blog of Marissa Mullins. 

When I visited, I read "A Post About Nothing" from March 7th, where Marissa poses personal social issues that concern many of us at times. Of course, just that alone would make her post Far From Nothing. The following are my somewhat disjointed comments I left on her site (with a few minor edits), which may stir up your curiosity just enough to click on her link also, Paucis Verbis (Latin, transl. in a few words).

(At the time of this writing, Marissa is unaware that I decided to promote her, but I did thank her for inspiring today's post. Little did she know what she was getting herself into when she commented so beautifully on my Red Room post.) 

These are my comments, meant to both inspire and challenge ~

It appears to be true that those who choose the path that caters *not* to greed and over-desire are small in number, and are seeming to become even less as time goes on. In some ways, they're just harder to notice because the Charlie Sheens and the Mel Gibsons of the world simply stand out so overly-much.
 

When people have become complacent or 
frustrated from living without answers, often 
they will buckle, bend or break to the strain. 
Some are simply stronger than others - that 
doesn't make them better, smarter or right - 
just stronger (and only in some areas).

All people crave to be filled within the deep crevices of their souls with some sort of fulfillment where they can be at peace. The knowledge of God and what He does for a person can satisfy that yearning; but even that awareness and understanding comes in so many different flavors, people have a hard time deciding which one.

To help people, there first has to be a mutually recognized want and need. Remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. The key? A mutually recognized want and need. A very wise person once said that need is defined as the space between where someone is now and where they want to be. No space? Then there is no want, and therefore, no need.  All of us need-meet-ers should be mature and wise enough to accept this - at least in theory.  

And, I might add, that those on the receiving end of a need-meet-er's generosity, should be allowed the freedom to get on with living their lives as they see fit... however lacking we feel they may be... yes, even if it's our significant other. And that's definitely, Far From Nothing :~)