Control the Dog -- or Me?

Can you believe it!? Awake at 2 a.m. and I'm thinking about yesterday's trip to the dog park with our two dogs. At two in the morning!!???

The youngest canine is Brandy Bojangles, a year and a half old Cocker Spaniel -- recently spayed -- which is why she could finally go to the park. Brandy usually barks fearfully and incessantly at the mere sight of another dog or human. Yet, once in the park, she took it all in without a sound.  

But this writing is not about Brandy.

The second dog is my husband's three year old, female, Dalmatian/Aussie mix named Zephyr. That afternoon Zephyr did something I had never seen her do before. She jumped up on someone, resting her paws on their chest, then quickly got down as I verbally directed her. But she did it again...and again...and again!...and...to more than one person.

Zephyr had caught me so off guard that I never even had the thought to physically restrain her from doing it again. Why hadn't I simply taken her by the collar, apologized, and walked away?

Everyone involved appeared both surprised and almost entertained by her behavior. It was obvious, that for some very uncomfortable moments in time, I did not have control of my dog. 

But this is actually not about Zephyr either.

Laying there awake in the wee hours of the morning, I became immensely disconcerted about Zephyr. That's when I realized the urgency of how much I truly need to regain control of a lot more than a dog. 

This is really about me, I thought.

Just like that warm engulfing sensation you feel when you step into a hot tub and slowly immerse yourself, I felt strangely comforted and even inspired by yesterday's episode. My mental muscles rejuvenated as I lay there pondering the benefits of a more controlled, more disciplined life.  

It was time to get up and lay out a plan.

To have reasonable control of things around me (including a dog), I must first take control of myself. And, control over the physical body begins with mental discipline, because the body won't quit until the mind gives in.

What a person thinks about -- considers, ponders and focuses on -- is what they become. That is a law. So I will tend to my moment by moment ponderings by giving greater heed to the kind of nutrition I'm feeding my mind with. That's fair and simple.

Diligently disciplining the mind will enable my physical body to attain the desired results I seek, for I cannot function well without significant physical endurance and vitality. This will also mean a balanced diet and exercise. 

I may have the good food and great cooking part of it under control, but there remains a very pressing need for me to concentrate on the exercise side of that equation. I am encouraged by knowing I am fully equipped for success.

Next, I can begin to branch out into my environment, to have better control of my surroundings. This will include my/our dogs, my home and yard, the care of my mother, and...even taxes. 

All these things have one essential aspect when it comes to control  -- the element of time. 

Time~~ (as defined by Juilius O'Hara -- Peter Lorre in Beat the Devil, 1953)

Time. Time. What is time?
Swiss manufacture it.
French hoard it.
Italians squander it.
Americans say it is money.
Hindus say it does not exist.
You know what I say?
I say, time is a crook!

Well, you know what I say? I say, I will need to be more assertive in how I utilize my time, because time is an irreplaceable commodity that requires stewardship.

There it is...all laid out. I cannot -- I will not -- fail. I can only succeed. I will regain the control I desire and need in my life. 

And...

       I will have the presence of mind to simply take Zephyr by the collar, apologize, and walk away.

Author Unknown

Have you ever heard of Author Unknown? Do you know anyone who has ever met him or her? Have you ever thought about how many centuries this individual has lived? (You think I jest!)

It is somewhat astounding to consider the number of truly profound and mostly inspiring poems written by this Unknown "character."

Here are just 3 Unknown thought provokers that I particularly enjoy -- especially at this time of year when our kindness and consideration barometers might be pushed to their limits.
  

Charity

There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That it ill behooves any of us
To find fault with the rest of us.

Pray Don't Find Fault

Pray don't find fault with the man who limps
or stumbles along the road,
unless you have worn the shoes he wears
or struggled beneath his load.
There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt,
though hidden away from view,
or the burden he bears, placed on your back
might cause you to stumble too.

Don't sneer at the man who's down today
unless you have felt the blow
that caused his fall or felt the shame
that only the fallen know.
You may be strong, but still the blows
that were his, if dealt to you
in the selfsame way, at the selfsame time,
might cause you to stagger too.

Don't be too harsh with the man who sins
or pelt him with word or stone,
unless you are sure, yea, doubly sure,
that you have no sins of your own.
For you know perhaps if the tempter's voice
should whisper as softly to you
as it did to him when he went astray,
it might cause you to stumble too.

High Resolve

I'll hold my candle high, and then
Perhaps I'll see the hearts of men
Above the sordidness of life,
Beyond misunderstandings, strife.
Though many deeds that others do
Seem foolish, rash and sinful too,
Just who am I to criticize
What I perceive with my dull eyes?
I'll hold my candle high, and then,
                                 Perhaps I'll see the hearts of men.

"Q" is for Quirky?.....Quite.

Have you ever had a friend live with you where it should never have worked out, but it did, and neither of you really know how or why? In fact, no one else can figure it out either? Well, I have. And, I'm not talking about my husband ...although he could probably fit this scenario equally well.

There were actually 3 of us (including my husband) who considered renting this wonderfully large one-level home we affectionately called, The Hacienda. Entering from the portico, the front door opened into a 27'x25' room with a massive, 3-way, red brick fireplace, towering up through a custom made skylight, right in the middle of the 15-foot ceiling.

I saw right away how it could work. But the 2 of them? Well...one called it strange and the other said too weird. Apparently, they were trying to convince me that it was a bit, uh...quirky.

We looked at a number of other cute cottage-like homes, rambling ranches, and even upscale condos. None seemed to compare to The Hacienda, in both size and character.

Finally, we all agreed and moved into this exquisitely quirky house, complete with an enclosed courtyard, Swedish sauna and step-down patio opening to the 18th fairway of someone's private golf course.

I divided up the huge room, which provided for an entry foyer plus 3 living areas -- one for conversing, another for dining along side the long wall of patio windows, and the third for comfy entertainment -- all with imaginary walls. We decided quirky was good and loved it.

In the days ahead, I began to discover just why our friend could accept quirky so easily -- it's what she was. Quirky? Quite right.

          "Every man had his own quirks and twists." 
                                                      ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe 

This may be so. But having a few, and being one, are slightly different concepts. I'm talking about far more than just a peculiarity of behavior, you know...an idiosyncrasy. What I'm talking about are consistent, yet unpredictable and unexpected, uniquely strange, oddly funny, somewhat cute and always present...character traits! 

In today's terms, I believe it's called: random. But the 3 of us decided the best word at the time, was...quirky. 

And that became her very endearing nickname: Quirky.

Big Chief, he loves squaw

Here's the unexpected part. Quirky decided that each of us had to have a nickname because she had one. For my husband, she chose Big Chief.

It was partially taken from a childhood nickname his dad had tagged him with, so others would be aware to watch what they said when he came into the room...Hi there, Chief Big Ears! 

She labeled me as The Deepster. If a person was willing, I could lead them down enticingly unfamiliar yet intriguing paths of thought, into the wee hours, without blinking an eye. It became a sort of trademark of mine. 

Nearly 9 years later, and that nickname grew into my inspiration for the title of this blog  -- all from those months at The Hacienda. I probably should add, one of her favorite movies back then was The Wizard of Oz, and I hadn't even thought of that when I went and picked out the picture for this post! Now that's quirky.

Well, there you have it. Three unlikely characters -- Quirky, Big Chief, and The Deepster -- living in an equally quirky, yet magnificent house. We don't know how or why, but it worked. How awesomely cool is that!

                                    Quirky?........Quite. 

"J" is for Jumping Jacks

Have you ever tried to do a thousand jumping jacks? 

You get to 100...200...300...and you just keep going until your legs turn to rubber. Then you finally look down to see if those rubberized appendages are okay, and they aren't even moving...but you thought they were.

You're thinking you should quit. You're thinking it's all good because at least you tried. That's when you hear the voice of your favorite Star Wars' character:

 

"No," scolded Yoda. "Do, or do not. There is no try." 

So you ignore the sensation and continue to "jump" with your arms flaggling in the air as if you no longer own them. You have no idea what number you're on, but someone else is counting for you, so it doesn't matter. 

Then it happens. Suddenly you realize neither your arms or legs are actually moving -- not even twitching -- but somehow your mind is convinced you're still doing jumping jacks. Reality creeps in and you are terribly aware of how silly you must look. 

You glance around only to discover that many of the other jumpers aren't moving either, or have melted to the floor. The leader is still up front, jacking with near p-e-r-f-e-c-t form, while counting aloud. How does he do it?!! you ask yourself. 

Finally, the counting stops. It's over. And...you're still standing! You try to walk away, but can't. So you sit down right in the middle of the floor where you were once-upon-a-time jumping a jack...now...recovering. 

Carefully stretching each muscle as your breath and pulse return to that familiar quiet and steady rhythm, you start to feel as if someone just figured out how to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Ever so slowly, you rise, and methodically walk away.

You know you are no longer the same person. You've changed. But you can't explain exactly how. You smile with satisfaction as a solitary yet powerful thought comes to mind:
     I was still standing :~)

"A" is for Time

(No, the title is not a typo.)
Working for a boss, I wondered at times why they didn't do, what I thought they should do, when I thought they should. Like, why don't they fire so-and-so? Or, why didn't they bring that up at the meeting? And, don't they see what's going on here?? I mean, I thought I was pretty darn smart.

picture-newsletter.com

Then, there are those times I have been perplexed as all get out, as to my husband's timing with his decisions. Like, why did he choose to keep quiet about that when he talked to so-and-so? Or, why won't he take the time to sit down and discuss this with me? And, doesn't he realize that such-and-such really needs to be done now? I mean, I thought I was pretty smart on how and when we should do things. 

Granted, there is always the possibility that my boss simply avoided confrontation, didn't like uncomfortable subjects at meetings, and always walked around in a general daze. And there is always the possibility that my husband just doesn't feel like confronting so-and-so, doesn't want to have a might-turn-into-a-major-talk with me, and actually likes doing things on his own timetable once in awhile.  Imagine that.

Yet, in life, timing is often crucial - and not just when deadlines are involved. Many times I have to remind myself that now may not be the best time to mention something to someone, or not the right time to do a particular thing I've been wanting to do. In much of life there is...
                   "A" time 
                         set apart 
                              for saying 
                                   and doing
                                        certain things 
                                             at certain times...

and, there is a genuinely smart reason the following was ever written. Perhaps now is the right time to pause long enough to read, and ponder, each line:
                             
To every thing there is a season, and 
          A time to every purpose under the heavens: 
A time to be born, and 
          A time to die;
A time to plant, and 
          A time to pluck up what was planted;
A time to kill, and 
          A time to heal;
A time to brake down, and 
          A time to build up;
A time to weep, and 
          A time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and 
          A time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and 
          A time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and 
          A time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and 
          A time to lose;
A time to keep, and 
          A time to cast away;
A time to rend, and 
          A time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and 
          A time to speak;
A time to love, and 
          A time to hate;
A time of war, and 
          A time of peace.
                                         ~ ECCLESIASTES 3:1-8 

Know what? I'm feeling pretty darn smart lately :~)

Make Your Day

Today is simply one of those days when reading from The Book of Psalms early this morning did my soul good, like Psalm 103, and remembering not to give up - ever - is a good decision.

You Mustn't Quit
                            ~ Author Unknown 

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must--but never quit.

Life is queer, with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won if he'd stuck it out;
Stick to your task, though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with one more blow.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt--
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that YOU MUSTN'T QUIT.

Make your day - as I will mine - one of success :~)

When Times Are Tough

A fellow writer recently remarked, "I think people sometimes forget to dig deep and find strength." 

The truth of this statement intrigued me - especially the "forget to dig" part. I asked my oh-so-wise-sage husband what he thought, and was pleasantly surprised by his rather immediate response. He reminded me that we had once been taught (by an equally oh-so-wise sage), that one of the reasons for keeping a personal journal is to have the resource to go back to when times are tough.

Weighing his reply, I again realized that when an individual is reading pages that were written in triumph, one can be reminded of their own strength and even fired up enough to take on the greatest of mountains. Is this not what often inspires us from the stories we read of other people and their lives? How much more convincing it would be if the main character of that story was indeed, yours truly! 

In my last post, I wrote:  When people have become complacent or frustrated from living without answers, often they will buckle, bend or break to the strain. 

Complacency is defined as: contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned. And, the Princeton wordnetweb definition of frustration is: the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals. I can definitely see how frustration could cause complacency. Wow! But I also realize there may be other reasons for becoming complacent. 

My strength can seem so small when I have no answers, and the temptation is so great to simply not care - to become contented to a fault and unconcerned - almost calloused, or even bitter. I wonder how many areas in my life are on this course - or are starting to consider this path. Hopefully - none. But it never hurts to do the ol' check up from the neck up! 

Earlier, I also wrote: Some are simply stronger than others - that doesn't make them better, smarter or right - just stronger (and only in some areas). 

Perhaps some people appear stronger simply because they remembered to dig deep to find strength.

Over this past week, I have had four of my six koi suddenly die. At first it appeared to be an outside predator. But, as we diligently disassembled the pond, cleaned it, bought a new pump and filter, and finished all the spring cleanup of it, I have concluded it was natural causes. 

I wanted to blame myself - not staying on top of it through the winter. The temptation was to simply get completely out of the "fish pond business" - today - less my possible neglect might bring about further demise, and to avoid any more attachments. These thoughts arose primarily because I had no answer as to what caused them to die. If I had answers, I'd probably just fix whatever it is and continue to enjoy my koi. 

In the face of adversity, no matter how overwhelming or trite, resolution comes not in re-acting, but in acting. To move forward, we don't always need an explanation. I moved forward with cleaning up the pond and taking care of my remaining two fish, Shadow and Bogie. In moving forward, I was able to overcome the frustration and avoided complacency. This time I remembered to dig deep to find the strength.

But for those times when I sometimes forget just how strong I am, I have my journals. The various subjects throughout my life are diverse - heartbreaks, divorce, education, drugs, family, religion, God, personal loss, health issues, conflicts, purchasing a home, financial struggles, parental care giving, success, love and even great peace. They include the records of my hitchhiking trek across half of Canada and scaling the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. And, all are written - thankfully - in triumph. 

When times are tough, and I forget to dig deep to find strength, I can pull out a journal and read one of those inspiring stories that fire me up enough to take on even the greatest of mountains - a very convincing story in which the main character is yours truly.

Far From Nothing

One of my favorite networks is The Red Room. It's slow-moving and quiet, but I actually have more views there of my member page, than anywhere else. So I wrote a blurb entitled, "A Writer's Goal - No Regrets," just for The Red Room. 

This brought a comment from "a Southern writer whose work explores the connections between deeper universal truths and the daily moments of our lives" (her own description) which reminded me of, well...me. That meant I had to look at the blog of Marissa Mullins. 

When I visited, I read "A Post About Nothing" from March 7th, where Marissa poses personal social issues that concern many of us at times. Of course, just that alone would make her post Far From Nothing. The following are my somewhat disjointed comments I left on her site (with a few minor edits), which may stir up your curiosity just enough to click on her link also, Paucis Verbis (Latin, transl. in a few words).

(At the time of this writing, Marissa is unaware that I decided to promote her, but I did thank her for inspiring today's post. Little did she know what she was getting herself into when she commented so beautifully on my Red Room post.) 

These are my comments, meant to both inspire and challenge ~

It appears to be true that those who choose the path that caters *not* to greed and over-desire are small in number, and are seeming to become even less as time goes on. In some ways, they're just harder to notice because the Charlie Sheens and the Mel Gibsons of the world simply stand out so overly-much.
 

When people have become complacent or 
frustrated from living without answers, often 
they will buckle, bend or break to the strain. 
Some are simply stronger than others - that 
doesn't make them better, smarter or right - 
just stronger (and only in some areas).

All people crave to be filled within the deep crevices of their souls with some sort of fulfillment where they can be at peace. The knowledge of God and what He does for a person can satisfy that yearning; but even that awareness and understanding comes in so many different flavors, people have a hard time deciding which one.

To help people, there first has to be a mutually recognized want and need. Remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. The key? A mutually recognized want and need. A very wise person once said that need is defined as the space between where someone is now and where they want to be. No space? Then there is no want, and therefore, no need.  All of us need-meet-ers should be mature and wise enough to accept this - at least in theory.  

And, I might add, that those on the receiving end of a need-meet-er's generosity, should be allowed the freedom to get on with living their lives as they see fit... however lacking we feel they may be... yes, even if it's our significant other. And that's definitely, Far From Nothing :~)