When Times Are Tough

A fellow writer recently remarked, "I think people sometimes forget to dig deep and find strength." 

The truth of this statement intrigued me - especially the "forget to dig" part. I asked my oh-so-wise-sage husband what he thought, and was pleasantly surprised by his rather immediate response. He reminded me that we had once been taught (by an equally oh-so-wise sage), that one of the reasons for keeping a personal journal is to have the resource to go back to when times are tough.

Weighing his reply, I again realized that when an individual is reading pages that were written in triumph, one can be reminded of their own strength and even fired up enough to take on the greatest of mountains. Is this not what often inspires us from the stories we read of other people and their lives? How much more convincing it would be if the main character of that story was indeed, yours truly! 

In my last post, I wrote:  When people have become complacent or frustrated from living without answers, often they will buckle, bend or break to the strain. 

Complacency is defined as: contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned. And, the Princeton wordnetweb definition of frustration is: the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals. I can definitely see how frustration could cause complacency. Wow! But I also realize there may be other reasons for becoming complacent. 

My strength can seem so small when I have no answers, and the temptation is so great to simply not care - to become contented to a fault and unconcerned - almost calloused, or even bitter. I wonder how many areas in my life are on this course - or are starting to consider this path. Hopefully - none. But it never hurts to do the ol' check up from the neck up! 

Earlier, I also wrote: Some are simply stronger than others - that doesn't make them better, smarter or right - just stronger (and only in some areas). 

Perhaps some people appear stronger simply because they remembered to dig deep to find strength.

Over this past week, I have had four of my six koi suddenly die. At first it appeared to be an outside predator. But, as we diligently disassembled the pond, cleaned it, bought a new pump and filter, and finished all the spring cleanup of it, I have concluded it was natural causes. 

I wanted to blame myself - not staying on top of it through the winter. The temptation was to simply get completely out of the "fish pond business" - today - less my possible neglect might bring about further demise, and to avoid any more attachments. These thoughts arose primarily because I had no answer as to what caused them to die. If I had answers, I'd probably just fix whatever it is and continue to enjoy my koi. 

In the face of adversity, no matter how overwhelming or trite, resolution comes not in re-acting, but in acting. To move forward, we don't always need an explanation. I moved forward with cleaning up the pond and taking care of my remaining two fish, Shadow and Bogie. In moving forward, I was able to overcome the frustration and avoided complacency. This time I remembered to dig deep to find the strength.

But for those times when I sometimes forget just how strong I am, I have my journals. The various subjects throughout my life are diverse - heartbreaks, divorce, education, drugs, family, religion, God, personal loss, health issues, conflicts, purchasing a home, financial struggles, parental care giving, success, love and even great peace. They include the records of my hitchhiking trek across half of Canada and scaling the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. And, all are written - thankfully - in triumph. 

When times are tough, and I forget to dig deep to find strength, I can pull out a journal and read one of those inspiring stories that fire me up enough to take on even the greatest of mountains - a very convincing story in which the main character is yours truly.

Meg's She Writer Blogger Ball Redux

...hosted once again by the Author of the best selling novel, The Wednesday Sisters, and approaching the release of her 3rd book on March 22nd, The Four Ms. Bradwells, say "hi!" to Meg Waite Clayton at her blog, 1st Books: Stories of How Writers Get Started, by clicking on the little bookcase:

While you're in that neck of the woods, you may want to look over the posted list of other bloggers at the "Ball Redux," and drop by their sites as well, leaving a comment or two as you pass through.

And for all my fellow She Writes' Bloggers ~ "Hello, and welcome to my pond!" Please, allow me to introduce my lovely koi to you (left to right): Bacall, Shadow, Bogie, Fuego, Azul and Wasabi (the white one in back).

As long as I have your attention, do take a look around. You actually might enjoy reading yesterday's post, "I'm Not Heavy...It's My Heart," or, written a week earlier in a little more humorous vein, "Moose Face!" Let me know what you think and maybe I'll see you around the Ballroom floor :~)

Yes, I Really Do Have a Koi Pond

It was the end of February, a leap year, when we moved from the rental on the far north end of town into our own home just 8 miles south.  The ground was thawing, at least just enough to dig a hole for the pond that would be the new home of our 7 koi we acquired the previous summer: Fuego, Azul, Ninja, Wasabi, Cochise-Shadow, Bogie and Bacall.

There were over a dozen large Comet (gold fish) in the backyard pond when we moved into that 1970's tri-level rental, but they had been slowly disappearing.  We discovered a Great Blue Heron had been making its rounds every evening, taking the golden feast back to its hungry nestlings.  After searching out the many possible deterrents to save the fish, we chose the Rosie Method.  Over 30 tiny sacrificial Rosie Goldfish were purchased to join the few Comets remaining in the 1000 gallon contoured pond.  Swimming closer to the surface, the Rosies would easily become the next meal for "Big Bird's" family, serving as decoys while protecting their more expensive cousins. 

The Great Blue quit coming by mid-summer, but a terminal illness struck the pond, taking the lives of the last 3 Comets. We decided to purge the water and add lots of new good bacteria to prepare for genuine koi. That's when we introduced Fuego and Azul to their new home.

Fuego got his name because of the silvery specks that flash atop his body of red and black spots set against a cream background.  He also would jump quite high when we first brought him home; we thought he was "full of fire."  Azul is similar in color, but without the silvery specks. She carries a slight tinge of blue hidden just beneath the translucent cream of her head.  Both fish are fantails, which the Japanese do not recognize as "real" koi, so we conceded somewhat by giving them Spanish names.  This led to us buying 2 more.

Ninja was a pure black genuine Japanese koi with one small red-orange spot on its side.  You would never really see him coming; he'd just suddenly appear.   Wasabi is another genuine Japanese koi.  He's black with the pattern of a white fish skeleton from head to toe, and swims with a saucy-spicy attitude.

At this point we were hooked, so we brought home 3 more. My husband and I couldn't agree on the name of the beautiful, burnished brown (char-goi), fantail.  Kelly thought he was somewhat stealthy, like the Indian, Cochise.  I thought he was stealthy and obscure like The Shadow of 1930's radio fame.  He's actually quite friendly, so we let our guests decide which name fits best.  Which brings me to Bogie and Bacall.  Both are yellow and golden-orange domestic koi, that really stand out wherever they go, whether exploring, swimming or just relaxing.  Not sure exactly, but they remind us of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall.

There we have it.  All 7 of our koi that had to move because we were moving.  But koi hibernate in the winter.  They don't completely stop moving, but they don't eat much, so their immune system is at its lowest.  It's very risky.  We were only given one month to install a pond at our new place, then the fish had to move - hibernation or not.

The ground is still pretty hard here in March, but Kelly managed to get a huge pit dug out under our Aspens by the front door, where we sunk a 300 gallon livestock tank that became our koi pond, complete with filter and air stone.  By the end of March, we had transported 6 "sleepy" fish.  That's right, I said 6.  Ninja, just like his name implies was simply out of sight, not found when we scoured the old pond (sigh).  If you look really close, you can see all six coming over to say "hi."

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you... thirteen heroic Rosies survived to enjoy their new surroundings, hanging with the big fish, under the Aspens.