Note: I read all comments and respond to most. --- New posts every 10 to 15 days...except when life decides to get in my way by dropping a log into my pond.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"W" is for Whose Fault is it, Anyway?

Often I am amazed at the growing number of people who actually believe that circumstances, or even other people, govern who they've become and who they will be in the future. Whose fault is it, anyway?
  • If my neighbor hadn't ignored me like that back then, I'd probably be a little bit more friendly now.
  • If it wasn't so cold and windy every single day, the yard work would probably be done by now.
  • If you hadn't talked to me in that tone, I'd probably be more willing to listen to you right now.
  • If people were paying more attention to their driving, I probably wouldn't have had to cut you off.
Let's see how it works when I get rid of the "if." How about some really real stuff, like family...
  • My dad always yelled about everything; that's why it's really hard for me not to do the same thing.
 Here's the flip side, which isn't any better, because it's still for the wrong reason:
  • My dad always yelled about everything; that's why I refuse to react in the same way now.
Or, maybe it's siblings...
  • My brothers always treated me with such indifference; that's why I'm always struggling with low self-esteem.
Same thing, but a different angle:
  • My brothers always treated me with such indifference; that's why I refuse to let our boys do that to her now.
Whose fault is it, anyway!!?

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying that none of these things ever cross my own mind. But what about those individuals who truly believe these are all genuinely good reasons for behaving the way they do in certain situations. My oh my...whose fault is it, anyway?
  • I wouldn't have to switch companies all the time, [if] someone just believed in good customer service.
  • I would probably get up earlier on the weekends, [if] I just had something more to get up to.
  • I would probably be more willing to get involved, [if] it didn't always feel like they're just using me.
  • I know I wouldn't be so sensitive about this, [if] people just treated me with a little more respect and consideration.
Just more of the right ingredients of life and I'd be okay. If I just had a better teacher, a better job, better friends, more money, my spouse acted differently, my kids weren't so crazy, my in-laws didn't live so close...I'd have a better life, and I'd be different. Enter in the infamous "grass is always greener" myth.
Over the years, I have diligently worked to root up each and every one of these horrid little parasites of so-called reason, out of my vocabulary and out of my thinking. They're like weeds. Somehow a new one pops up just when I thought I had them all licked! Or worse yet, 2 or 3 come back for every one I've  discarded. How unending! How frustrating! How tiring this can be!
You are where you are and what you are because of yourself, because of your own choices and decisions.” ~Brian Tracy, Author and Motivational Speaker
"We are what we are because of our believing, not other people's believing...We will sink to the depths or rise to the heights of our believing." ~Life Lines, Quotations of Victor Paul Wierwille
This gives me a strong sense of control in my life, regardless of what anyone else thinks or does. I am the architect of my own life.

In the midst of it all, I have found comfort and strength in a simple truth about circumstances.
You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” ~Brian Tracy
In short, I have determined within myself to stop re-acting to situations. Instead, I mentally take a step back, look at what just hit the fan, then carefully move forward in a manner that redirects or even resolves what just occurred.

"Oh! You're talking about being pro-active."

Call it what you may, it's still doing whatever works to keep my steps steady and out of the muddy clay of defeat. I am mastering change.

I am what I am...and changing! So...whose fault is it, anyway!!? All mine :~)


Brian said...

yeah, this one needs to published in in wallet sized, booklet format and sent to every citizen in america so they can read, heed and keep it in their back pocket.

M Kathy Brown said...

Brian ~
Thank you. I too wish many more people would take heed...

I feel rather alone at times, in this belief. (sigh)


Bish Denham said...

Ahh yes, the old blame game. It "started" with Adam pointing at Eve then Eve pointing at the snake. "It's not my fault, he MADE me do it!" GAK!

M Kathy Brown said...

Bish ~
I guess I just feel sad for the people who don't honestly realize they have a choice... and can escape all that yuk.

Thanks for your input :~)


Joyce Lansky said...

Excellent post! Attitude is everything. I wonder about today's young generation. Nothing is ever the kid's fault. If there is a problem, parents are quick to blame it on the teacher.


Scott said...

Good stuff!

Samantha Sotto-Yambao said...

Wise words, my friend :) We are indeed what we choose to be.

Angela Felsted said...

I love this post! And it's so true.

I think this is the final measure of our maturity: do we use other people's bad behavior to justify our own?

M Kathy Brown said...

Angela (aka "taking it deeper":~) ~
Ah yes...where one thinks, or even says, "At least I'm not as bad as *they* are."
Such twisted rationalization to justify one's own lack of accountability.

Great point!


M Kathy Brown said...

Sam ~
As far as being takes one to know one :~)
re: we are indeed what we choose to be -- That is exactly's the choice each person makes. To be our own person - the architect of our own life - we decide.

It's always a joy to my heart when you stop by. Thank you :~)


M Kathy Brown said...

Joyce ~
It definitely does appear much more prevalent today, doesn't it. But this is where I may get flack...I'm one of those that believes it starts in the home - what a very young child sees and hears those first 4 to 7 years, and what goes by uncorrected. We teach what we allow.

I also believe it's always available to change the course of these things - one by one :~)


M Kathy Brown said...

Scott ~
Thanks for stopping in and commenting. I'm glad you liked it :~)

Will stop by your site later today...


Cathy K said...

I am what I think I am - how true.

M Kathy Brown said...

Hi Cathy ~
Glad you could stop by :~)